


betting on losing dogs

by kkeirene



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Break Up, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Inspired by Music, M/M, Post-Break Up, Rebounds, Self-Discovery, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29098908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkeirene/pseuds/kkeirene
Summary: tsukishima kei bets on losing dogs just to feel for a little while.
Relationships: (mentioned) - Relationship, Daishou Suguru/Tsukishima Kei, Daishou Suguru/Yamaka Mika, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> based off of 'i bet on losing dogs' by mitski (song of the century)

He felt the world around him cave in as Kuroo spoke. The past year of his life had been dedicated to Kuroo, trips to Tokyo, late night phone calls and early morning texts. So he couldn't really process the words coming out of Kuroo’s mouth. Something about ‘lost feelings’ and hoping they could still be friends. Tsukishima didn't know what to do, as he stood there in shock, watching Kuroo talk with his hands in the middle of his Tokyo apartment. 

Of course, he went home. The train ride home to Sendai was a numb one, music softly coming through his headphones and rain pittering against the train window. He felt like the protagonist of a cheesy coming of age movie, and for a minute the thought was humorous. Then it was just sad. He didn't know how Kuroo had lost feelings when Tsukishima felt so strongly for him. It didn't make sense. What had he done? Where had he gone wrong? He leaned his head back and let out a soft exhale, carrying the word ‘Fuck’ out with it. What was he supposed to do now? 

Word traveled fast among his circle of friends and acquaintances about what had happened. Tsukishima tried to avoid being bitter to them, or lashing out. And for the most part it worked. But he snapped at Hinata one day, and Daichi didn't tell him to stop. He just patted his shoulder and gave him a look filled with pity. He hated that look. He didn't want to be looked at with pity or be treated any different. He knew why they were doing it, but he didn't appreciate it at all. So he worked even harder to act normal. The looks of pity stopped. 

He found out why Kuroo broke up with him in a few days' time. Kuroo announced a relationship with Kenma. Tsukishima upon seeing it, headed to the nurses office and played sick so that he could go home. It hurt, it hurt alot. Kenma and Kuroo had always been close, but Tsukishima never really suspected they would get together. Kuroo was honest, and Tsukishima had no reason to distrust him like he usually did with others. He now thought that trust may have been misplaced. For that time in between knowing and not knowing, he could only think about ‘why?’. And now that he knew why, he wanted to know more. What had Kenma had that he didn't? What could he have done better? 

He mainly thought about how Kuroo told him to keep being happy. But how could he be happy when Kuroo wasn’t there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i finally finished the full thing, i'll most likely post the next chapter in the next few hours. this is just a short little thing i wanted to do just to post something yk? but i hope you enjoy :)


	2. Chapter 2

He and Yamaguchi stayed close through this all. Tsukishima didn't really like opening up to anyone, but if he had to choose someone he'd choose his closest friend of course. This almost pulled them even closer than they had been before. They’d walk to and from school shoulder to shoulder, roam the hallways side by side, and partner up for practice. Their parents always made one too many jokes about them being attached at the hip, which never failed to make Tsukishima scowl. So while things in his romantic field were not the best, the platonic side was better than ever. 

The two sides shouldn’t have mixed. 

But they did. You can’t help but feel after all. 

Yamaguchi confessed to Tsukishima on his birthday. Tsukishima was feeling down, as it was his first birthday without Kuroo, so he and Yamaguchi were eating strawberry shortcake at the park. He was sitting on a swing, lightly rocking when Yamaguchi came out and said it. 

“I like you,” Yamaguchi said. It looked like he had been holding his breath before saying it for some reason, which Tsukishima found endearing. He found a lot endearing about his friend, even more often now. He credited it to nostalgia.

“I would hope so,” He retorted simply, returning his gaze to the sky. Of course Yamaguchi liked him, they were together all the time. 

“No, not like that,” Yamaguchi tried to explain. By now Tsukishima had caught on. But he didnt know what to say, so he played dumb for a moment longer. To gather a response. 

“How so?”

“Tsukki, will you go out with me?” His friend finally said it plainly. 

Tsukishima wasn't interested in Yamaguchi in that way. Though he felt like he should. It made sense for them to enter a relationship like that. But he didn't, despite feeling like he should. He knew even deeper down he should tell Yamaguchi no, make it simpler. He also knew that’d make things awkward, and crush Tadashi. All these thoughts coursed his mind at a mile a minute. 

“Okay, let's do it,” Tsukishima answered after taking a few seconds to think. Yamaguchi let out a loud exhale.

“Good, let's do this,” He said, a bright smile lighting up his face. Tsukishima gave a slight smile back, while many thoughts weighed heavy on his mind. 

He might not truly feel for Yamaguchi, but maybe he could try. And if it did not succeed he could always pretend. It's not like it'd last forever. 

Not much changed in their relationship. Sometimes Yamaguchi would slip his hands into Tsukishima’s, or kiss him on the cheek before running away red faced, but that was about it. Tsukishima never initiated. It didn't feel right for him to do so. But Yamaguchi seemed happy, so he guessed he was doing fine. Things didn't feel too different than before, maybe a little more awkward. He knew that it'd be like that. Sometimes they'd go on ‘dates’. It didn't feel any different than when they hung out before, but it seemed fine. Nothing really changed at all, except how it felt. 

Their relationship ended 3 months after. Not too long, but enough for them to realize this wasn't for them. Yamaguchi broke up with him, Tsukishima would’ve been content to pretend for as long as he had too. But Yamaguchi saw through it. He wasn't surprised. Yamaguchi knew him better than anyone. He was glad Yamaguchi did not appear upset that it didn't work out. Tsukishima didn't ask too much, only asked if they could still be friends. Yamaguchi laughed and said of course. 

After everything settled down, Tsukishima asked if they could talk about it more. See why Yamaguchi ended it. 

“I didn't think you'd say yes when I asked. I knew you couldn't walk into a new relationship with your foot still in another. But I asked, and when you said yes I was like shocked, but it became very clear you weren't in it 100%, I ignored it for a bit but it got too much to ignore.” Yamaguchi had explained. The mood got very awkward at this, and Tsukishima couldn't think of what to say. 

“Oh,” He said after a few moments. Yamaguchi laughed at this, before adding on. 

“You weren't a bad boyfriend, you just weren't being you,” 

Tsukishima knew from the beginning it would end, and was almost relieved when he did.He knew they weren't supposed to be together even if it seemed to make sense. Sometimes things that sound right aren't always. 

But he was glad he said yes, nonetheless. 

  
  


They had only told a few people on the team, so when they told those same few they were better off as friends, some were surprised. Others weren’t. Everyone was glad it wasn't awkward, and that no hard feelings remained between them. It was an easy split that didn't tear anyone apart. 

Life went back to normal, just like before Yamaguchi. Before Kuroo even. And for a while, Tsukisima was fine with that. But after a while, he wasnt. He craved the feelings he had felt while with kuroo. But there was no one like Kuroo for Tsukishima. Kuroo was one of a kind. As much as he wanted Yamaguchi to illicit the same feelings as Kuroo, Yamaguchi couldnt. It wasnt his fault. 

It was no ones fault but his own minds’ he thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i repeated myself to much in this chapter but writing is something im always trying to improve so ill be working on it. tsukiyama isnt one of my fav ships so i dont rlly write it often, but i thought id try. maybe ill stick to kurotsuki 😅
> 
> im currently taking a break from twt btw. im just kinda stressed over school right now, so im trying to ignore outside stuff rn and just get my shit together. its not working so far.


	3. Chapter 3

Tsukishima's next relationship surprised him. It surprised everyone. But sometimes things like this were surprising, they didn't necessarily need to make sense to be real. 

Kageyama Tobio was a confusing person to Tsukishima. Most people confused him, but Kageyama most of all. Before that wouldn't have been true, he just assumed the other boy was angry and annoying. He wasn't the brightest academically but he had potential, and in volleyball he was gifted. Kageyama started to confuse Tsukishima when they started talking after practice. 

The first time, Kageyama asked him to meet him after practice. He had assumed he probably needed help on some homework and agreed with a sigh. He made it out like it was some big deal but deep down he didn't mind, he just wanted to irritate him a little bit more. After practice he had slowly packed his bag, before walking out to meet the other. Hinata wasn't there, which was a shock. If Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were attached at the hip, he and Hinata were conjoined twins. 

“What did you need?” Tsukishima asked, setting his backpack on the dirt beside the stairs. Kageyama stayed standing, while he sat down. He looked up at the other and was surprised by the look on his face. He looked nervous, or maybe it was concerned. 

“Well…” Kageyama started but didn't finish. His inability to say what was on his mind confused Tsukishima, he had never had much of a problem with it before. 

“Well?” Tsukishima repeated. 

“How did you know you were gay?” Kageyama asked him, face red. 

Of all the things Tsukishima expected him to ask, that was last on the list. He was at a loss for words. 

“Why are you asking me?” Tsukishima retorted, slightly startled by the sudden question. It came out of nowhere. 

“You’re the only gay person I felt comfortable asking,” Kageyama explained, earning a scoff from the other. Of course it was that, just his luck. 

“I just, like, knew, you know? I never cared for girls, and I just knew deep down,” Tsukishima tried to explain, but he didn't really know where to start. He had just known. Kageyama let out a grunt. 

“I think I might be gay,” Kageyama explained, despire there being no need. 

“I assumed as much, didn't figure you were asking for your health,” 

“Shut up, smart ass,” Kageyama started before sitting down beside him, “Now, I need help with this english work if you don't mind…” He began pulling things out of his backpack and everything was like it usually was. 

Tsukishima was a little surprised at first, but after a while it made sense. He could see how Kageyama looked at Hinata, how he cared for the other in a weird way. He could see them ending up together. 

After Kageyama's strange confession, they started hanging out after practice more often. Helping Kageyama with work, and talking about everything. Tsukishima wasn't sure why this started, but Kageyama asked him to meet, and he never had much to do. Yamaguchi started to get suspicious, but Tsukishima told him it was tutoring and it was normal again. Tsukishima learned he actually _enjoyed_ Kageyama's company. They had a lot of playful banter, and it became friendlier after they gained some sort of understanding of each other. They started to learn which boundaries not to cross, and when the other was just messing around. Tsukishima started to see Kageyama as a friend, which soon became more. 

He knew his feelings would go nowhere. Kageyama obviously liked Hinata, though Tsukishima wasn't sure if the other was genuinely aware of his own feelings. So despite his own feelings, he was fine with being friends. 

But to his surprise one night, Kageyama made a move. They had stayed outside the school a little longer than usual, the sun was just about to set. It was a Friday afternoon, and they tended to stay out later on Friday afternoons. 

“Tsukishima, how do you know if you like someone?” Kageyama asked. 

It brought tsukishima back to that first afternoon, except it was different now. Kageyama was less nervous and uncomfortable with him. He seemed a lot surer in himself overall.Tsukishima felt like he helped with that. 

“Well, you just know I guess,” He responded. Kageyama let out a slight chuckle. 

“How much of life is ‘you just know,’?”

“I’d say half of it,” Tsukishima guessed. 

“Hmm,” Kageyama hummed in response. 

“Why do you ask?” He asked, more to continue the conversation than out of genuine curiosity. 

“I think I might just know,” Kageyama retorted. That was surprising to Tsukishima. He was surprised he had asked him if he knew. 

“Is that so?”

“Yeah,” 

“Who?” Tsukishima asked. He figured he already knew the answer but he still wanted to check of course. 

“You, dumbass,” Kageyama said. Looking at him with fond eyes. 

Kageyama was full of more surprises than Tsukishima could have ever known. 

“Oh,” He said quietly. What was he expected to respond with? He knew what he wanted to say but he wasn't sure how to say it properly.

“Can I kiss you?” The other asked quietly. 

“How could I say no to that?”

“By saying no?” Kageyama teased him. He scowled before replying. 

“Oh shut the fuck up,”

“Gladly,” The word came out with a laugh, not a giggle but a full laugh. The sound of it made warmth rise within Tsukishima. And with that he leaned in, sharing his first of many kisses with Tsukishima. They agreed to keep the relationship relatively secret. Of course, Tsukishima got the clear to tell Yamaguchi as soon as he could. 

They kept speaking every afternoon, and sometimes they went out on the weekends. They talked on the phone as often as they possibly could. They went to parks on Saturday nights, and ate cheap convenience store food. Other teammates caught on. It wasn't surprising, their dynamic had taken a 180 from before. But they never asked Tsukishima, so he never told. They even met the parents. Of course, they didn't know they were dating. Tsukishima's parents were just glad he talked to someone other than Yamaguchi. He thought it gave them hope. Tsukishima's favorite thing to do with Kageyama was just sit and listen to music in his room. It was one of the simpler things they did, but he loved it more and more each time. 

Kageyama was a good boyfriend. He really was. But while he kept looking at Kageyama he could feel Kageyama’s eyes drift to Hinata. And it hurt. It hurt a lot. But he had always known. He knew from the beginning. From before he even said yes he knew. He knew they were doomed from the start, but he wanted to allow him the ability to be selfish with his wants. And he wanted Kageyama. He loved Kageyama, that was definite. But Kageyama could never fully love him when Hinata was there. Tsukishima never resented Hinata for that either.

He broke up with Kageyama. It was his first time breaking up with someone, but he felt like he did fine. And Kageyama wanted to know why of course, so Tsukishima told him. 

“You deserve someone else,” 

They still remained friends, close ones even. But when Kageyama came to him a few months later, asking ‘How do I ask Hinata out?’ Tsukishima wasn't surprised. They would make a good couple. 

  
  


He had known they were doomed from the start, but he closed his eyes and held on for the ride nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think kagetsukki is a new fav of mine. i really liked this chapter. writing it was a lot of fun, and i hope to write more kagetsukki in the future :) this is definitely my fav chapter ^^


	4. Chapter 4

After that, Tsukishima swore to take time off from relationships. Work on himself and all that shit. So for the rest of his high school career, he abided by his promise. He studied hard and worked on volleyball, and in between that he rested and just tried his best to be okay. He wasn't sure if it worked, but he could at least say he tried. 

Daishou came along when he was in college, before a lecture. He had remembered him from conversations with others in passing, but he really didn't know him. But he wanted to. He had heard many different things about him, some good, most bad. The bad were usually extremely biased, coming from Kuroo. But what was the other truly like? He didn't want people to judge him based on fleeting rumors. Why would he do that to others? 

  
For the first time, Tsukishima made the first move. (If you could even call it a move, it was more like asking for a seat). 

“Hey, you're Daishou Suguru, yeah? I’ve heard a lot about you,” He said, sitting down in the empty spot beside him. Daishou looked at him and thought for a moment, face finally softening with recognition. Tsukishima figured with his stature he was a bit hard to forget, sometimes he wished it was easier for him to slip into the background. 

“I doubt it’s anything good, seeing as you dated that bastard Kuroo,” He stated with a smirk. His bluntness made Tsukishima laugh for a minute. Most people wouldn't have been as frank. Tsukishima felt like he was the human embodiment of 'brutally honest'. Maybe that's why some people disliked him so much. Not everyone wanted honesty, preferring sugar coated truths. 

“Yeah, you’re right, but I thought I'd see if you were Satan himself as he described on my own,” Tsukishima joked back. 

“Satan? That's pretty extreme, I'm genuinely flattered,” Daishou said, making a face of shock that turned into pleasure. Tsukishima laughed again at this. 

“You have a pretty laugh,” Daishou complimented, head on his fist. He gave him a goofy smirk, and Tsukishima blushed. Kuroo couldn't have been more wrong about Daishou. He was glad he hadn't judged him based on others perspectives. 

“Thank you,”

“It's no problem, seeing as you didn't get offended by me calling him a bastard I rake it you aren't with him any longer?”

“You'd be right." Tsukishima confirmed with him. Thinking back it had been so long since all that had happened. He still thought about it sometimes, when he was crying or scrolling through Instagram. Sometimes he thought he should've been more of a bitch to Kuroo in those last moments, but he knew deep down that wasn't what he would have really wanted. But for a minute it felt nice to think about what he could've said. 

“His loss, hopefully I can turn this into my win,” 

Tsukishima just blushed. 

After that, they sat by each other for every lecture. That turned into meeting up for coffee before class, which turned into spending night after night at each other's dorm. Tsukishima's roommate got so used to seeing Daishou that he suggested he started paying rent. Tsukishima just told Kageyama that Hinata would have to as well in that case. He didn't say it again.  Daishou felt different from his past relationships, but Tsukishima couldn't put a finger on it. Despite how often they were together, he felt a little more distanced from him. He didn't bring it up to Daishou of course, didn't want to make him worry. But it still weighed heavy on his mind. 

  
And for a while all was fine. 

But sometimes Tsukishima questioned if he was with Daishou out of spite. He knew when he posted a picture with the other, he was just hoping Kuroo would see it. That made him feel like a horrible person, for  _ using  _ Daishou. But then again, he loved Daishou. He thought he did at the very least. Love wasn't something black and white, it came in shades of gray. Love wasn't you either you do or you don't, sometimes you felt like you didn't but find out you always did. Other times you felt like you did, when it turned out you were in love with the idea. So while these thoughts swarmed his mind, he just kept telling himself he was fine. They were fine. He loved him.

Until then, they continued in these cute instagram worthy dates. Sickeningly sweet captions, and song lyric bios. For a while Tsukishima felt like out of all the relationships he had, this one was most public. He wasn't flaunting Daishou, but he wasn't hiding him either. Daishou was flaunting him on the other hand. Snapping pictures of him while he was studying, just to post with a smile. Tsukishima liked it. He would never admit it. It embarrassed him on some levels, but it also made him feel good to feel like he was so special. 

Daishou was special too. 

Daishou broke up with him 4 months later. For 4 months, Tsukishima gave it his all. But Mika dmed him once, and those 4 months meant nothing. Tsukishima had known that Daishou had recently split up with Mika when they met. But he hadn't known  _ he  _ was being used to make Mika jealous. The thing he felt so bad about possibly doing to Daishou, had been what was done to him. Knowingly. Purposefully. The thought of it ate him up inside. 

Tsukishima Kei hated Daishou. 

After it ended, it was easier to be honest with himself. And once he started being honest, he knew he was there because of Kuroo. Fucking Kuroo. He wondered when he would ever be able to fully let go of his first heartbreak. Was he holding on because he never got the closure he needed? He wasn't sure. Year after year, Kuroo continued to influence him. He got into the relationship with Daishou out of spite. And a relationship built on spite and jealousy was never going to work. But he tried, because it felt so good knowing Kuroo could see. Even if he didn't care, he could see. Tsukishima wanted to be seen. 

This was a bitter ending to his first relationship for a while, but it definitely wouldn't be the last. Tsukishima Kei got into relationships knowing they weren't going to last. With people he knew couldn't love him. With people he knew he would never feel for. 

He did it to feel needed. He did it to feel anything.

He bet on losing dogs. He bet on them knowing they were going to lose. He bet on them knowing he would take a loss and get hurt in the end. He was fine to lose on losing dogs. He felt he was a losing dog himself most times. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thats the fic :) i really enjoyed writing this despite it being a little shorter. i rlly do love daitsukki but i always tear them apart-
> 
> u can find me on twt @kkeirene (https://twitter.com/kkeirene) 
> 
> and ive got like 4 aus in progress so i will be sure to try and post more frequently ;-; 
> 
> thank you for reading!!


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